this was the revision from my instructor for essay four draft
1. The following is unprovable, so you wouldn’t want to include it in your main claim. Just remove it. It’s not necessary and undermines what you can defend.
“Thus fighting immigration and immigrants would increase rather than decrease the terrorist attacks in the United States.”
2. Begin body paragraphs with subclaims, not evidence. State each point in your own words.
3. Correct in-text citations throughout. Don’t refer to page numbers in the text of your essay. It is incidental information. Include it in your in-text citations only.
4. Correctly format titles
also an another revision has been made which i will uploaded as NetTutor , and NetTutor 1 file
However I upload the essay assignment what has to be included on , incase something is messing please add it to the essay
Assignment Details: (plus the file that is uploaded as essay four assignment )
- Meaningful Revision: Meaningfully revise your draft. relying on your own judgment and your instructors, peers, and NetTutor/ Writing Center comments.
- Sentence Revision Using Templates: Revise two sentences or groups of sentences using templates from They Say/I Say.
- Underline these passages in your essay.
- At the end of the essay, before the Works Cited page, include the original and revised passages that you’ve underlined.
- For each revised passage, show the original passage first and the revised passage after.
- Revision Reflection: Below the They Say/I Say revision, write one paragraph (125-150 words) that reflects on the revisions you made and why you focused on the revisions you chose.
- NOTE: The final page of your essay will be the Works Cited page.This should be on its own page